Fully Known.
When I was little I had ideas about what I wanted in my marriage, tainted by Walt Disney; giving me all these grandiose ideas of what it was going to be like to fall in love. The huge sweeping romance that got my young, idyllic mind racing and dreaming about who and what my prince charming was going to be like. The older I got the more the romantic comedies swept my mind even further into my fantasy of what that love was going to be like.
As I became an adult I realized that the big, sweeping, Disney Prince Charming fantasy wasn’t real it was just an illusion and for a minute I was kind of livid with the whole Disney illusion. That happens though you find things to get angry about when you are grieving or trying to figure out where everything exploded, you misplace blame. I’m not mad at Disney anymore in case you were wondering. Lately as I look toward my future and become more and more excited about what God has in store, I’ve been thinking about what I want in a spouse. The things I want differ from the little girl watching Disney movies dreaming of a Prince to come rescue me. After walking through the last decade I have a strong idea of exactly what I want.
I want to be known, fully completely and wholly. Inside and out, I want to have the kind of relationship where we can sit in complete comfortable silence and just be, have the freedom to exist. I want to be able to look at my spouse and he knows just from my look what I am thinking. I want to have the secret looks that tell each other we are ready to leave, or the inside jokes when we see certain things and we both simultaneously laugh. I want to be known. If you have read my prior blog posts you know I love posting definitions. It helps give me clarity. So here we go, what is it to be fully known, as per dictionary.com. Known is a past participle of know.
- to perceive or understand as fact or truth; to apprehend clearly and with certainty.
- to have established or fixed in the mind or memory.
- to be cognizant or aware of.
- be acquainted with (a thing, place, person, etc.), as by sight, experience, or report.
- to understand from experience or attainment (usually followed by how before an infinitive).
- to be able to distinguish, as one from another.
So to be fully known, inside and out, that is my deepest desire. I was listening to the radio the other day and this song “Known” by Tauren Wells came on. First of all his voice is AMAZING but the song also struck me deeply.
It’s so unusual it’s frightening
You see right through the mess inside me
And you call me out to pull me in
You tell me I can start again
And I don’t need to keep on hiding
I’m fully known and loved by You
You won’t let go no matter what I do
And it’s not one or the other
It’s hard truth and ridiculous grace
To be known fully known and loved by You
I’m fully known and loved by You
It’s so like You to keep pursuing
It’s so like me to go astray, ooh
But You guard my heart with Your truth
The kind of love that’s bullet proof
And I surrender to Your kindness, oh
I’m fully known and loved by You
You won’t let go no matter what I do
And it’s not one or the other
It’s hard truth and ridiculous grace
To be known fully known and loved by You
I’m fully known and loved by You
How real, how wide
How rich, how high is Your heart
I cannot find the reasons why
You give me so much
How real, how wide
How rich, how high is Your heart
Now, I cannot find the reasons why
You give me so much
I’m fully known (fully known) and loved by You
You won’t let go (no you won’t let go) no matter what I do
And it’s not one or the other
It’s hard truth and ridiculous grace
To be known fully known and loved by You
I’m fully known and loved by You
It’s so unusual it’s frightening
I’m fully known and loved by You
Songwriters: Ethan Hulse / Jordan Sapp / Tauren Wells
Known lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Essential Music Publishing, Capitol Christian Music Group
As I wait for whoever God has in store for me I found peace in the reality that I am already fully and wholly known by God. I let this song saturate my dehydrated soul. I literally drank in the words, absorbing this truth. I recognized that I can take comfort in the fact that I will never be left or abandoned by God. That He truly will meet every single need I have. He is Abba Father, He is my husband, He is my provider, He is my comfort, He is my source of strength. He literally is the Living water I need to quench my thirst. He knows me.He knows what I need before I even ask, He knows the deepest desire of my heart, the ones I speak aloud and the ones I don’t and today I rest in that and I take deep comfort in this truth.
“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart…” – Jeremiah 1:5.
“You have searched me, Lord, and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you, Lord, know it completely. You hem me in behind and before, and you lay your hand upon me.” – Psalm 139:1-5
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Elisha Lovejoy View All →
I am in the process of figuring out who I am all over again. For now I know these things about myself and I am sure as I continue on my journey of healing and self awareness I will learn more about who I am growing to be. I am a single mother to the most beautiful little boy I have ever seen. I have a wonderful family of strong determined women who have poured into me and built strength and courage that I didn’t know I possessed. I love to travel and explore and discover new places. Pink is my favorite color, unashamedly, pink and sparkles. I am strong, stronger than I give myself credit for. I am who I am by the grace of God, He has blessed me abundantly and far more than I deserve. I have a heart for people and my goal in writing is to encourage them to seek God not only when they have everything cleaned up and figured out but to know and reassure them that they can come to God in the middle of their mess, the broken and their yuck. He is waiting with arms tenderly wide open willing to embrace whatever mess you are in the middle of.
Messy Girl Ministries 
You are amazing! Beautifully and transparently written.
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